Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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