i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
time to smoke my breakfast
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
