Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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