They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
