this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
