Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
