Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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