Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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