my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let's paint friendship bongs
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
