Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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