Sponge bath it is.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
