She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
