She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
