Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
