I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
