the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
