I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
