Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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