Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
