I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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