Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
