batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
