White coat. Heels.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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