I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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