sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
