yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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