I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
