Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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