I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
