I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
