i think my tv is drunk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
