The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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