Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
