So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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