its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
