Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize