the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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