the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
