Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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