Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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