woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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