there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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