you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fuck appropriateness.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
