thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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