Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my poor anus
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
