Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
