I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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