I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
