we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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