I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
