end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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