I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the liver wants what the liver wants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
