I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
