he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
