I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
