My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
