Porn is love you can see.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
