Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
