dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
