if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
