I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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