I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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