I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize