hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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