he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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