You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he thought i was a dude.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
