Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
