i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
