Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
