That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my shit smells like andre
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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