It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
