What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
