so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
