don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
