dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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