somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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