i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
