nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
