sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
