Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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